Infinite
by FearIsButFearItself
Summary: Bioshock Infinite crossover- Due to a drunken Norway and a misfired spell, Canada and Denmark are stuck in Columbia, with no idea why everyone wants to kill them and less ability to deal with each other by the second.


Summary: Bioshock Infinite crossover- Due to a drunken Norway and a misfired spell, Canada and Denmark are stuck in Columbia, with no idea why everyone wants to kill them and less ability to deal with each other by the second.

With the wind blowing messing through his hair, Matthew couldn't help but to feel extremely annoyed, more so than during his and Alfred's last horror movie marathon, during which the smaller country would not shut up about his and England's latest argument.  
"How is this fair?" the Canadian asked aloud, looking up to the cloudless sky, while tactfully ignoring the shouts and gunshots coming from behind him. "Why does this kind of thing always happen to me?" he continued, pointedly ignoring the irritated shout of "Matthew, would you quit your moping and help me?!" from behind him. "I bet if Alfred got sent through a magic portal into an alternate universe and time, he wouldn't end up in a, surprisingly comfortable, dress that doesn't go with his eyes at all!" he said bitterly, tugging at the sleeves of said mismatching-dress in dismay.

"That's what you're worried about?" Mathias shrieked from behind him, and looking over his shoulder to him Matthew saw him jamming his weird hook-thing into a guy's face; ew, that's a lot of blood. "Whether your dress matches your goddamned eyes?!"

"Well, if I'm going to be wearing a dress I want to at least look good in it!" Matthew snapped at the older nation, huffing in irritation. "You just don't understand!"

Whipping someone upside the head with the butt of his pistol, Mathias swore very loudly. "Matthew, now is not the time to be going through your teenage-girl-angst phase!"

"Screw you, Mathias; you're not my real dad!"

"Oh my God, this is not happening right now!"

xxxxx

It had been a fairly regular world meeting; America was being a jerk, England was being a bitch, France was being a bastard, Russia was intimidating people with his large pipe, and Germany was trying to restore order, but in the middle of it all, an irregular event occurred: Norway had gotten a rather 'great' idea.

Having attended the meeting with a rather killer hangover, and was actually still a bit drunk, his 'great' idea was not really great and was actually quite awful, especially so since it was fueled by murderous rage.  
While he was in his stage of still-a-bit-drunk-and-not-quite-functional, he was unsurprisingly enough drunk that he mistook Denmark for America and Canada for France, and, in terms with his 'great' plan, decided to magic them away so they would quit hindering the meeting.  
In his still-a-bit-drunk-and-not-quite-functional-but-that's-okay state, he completely over looked the fact that it wasn't socially acceptable and was in fact totally frowned upon to magic away your fellow personifications merely because they got on your nerves a bit, and he also completely forgot that he didn't know the counter-spell to bring them back.

In his still-a-bit-drunk-and-not-quite-fucntional-but-that's-okay-he's-perfectly-fine state, he was blissfully unaware of how much of a problem he was causing, at least, unaware until about ten seconds after he poofed away Canada and Denmark.  
That was when the yelling started for the ones in the meeting, and that was when the freaking-the-hell-out started for Canada and Denmark.

xxxxx

"Matthew, grab a gun and help me, damnit!" Mathias shouted, looking rather like a viking with the way he was covered in blood, and looking quite terrifying with the glare he shot to Matthew.

In turn, Matthew glared right back. "Like hell I'm ruining this dress with all that blood- you're practically bathing in it over there!" he declared, hands on his hips, before he paused and watched as one of the guys attacking Mathias yanked a gun out of a barrel of fireworks. Matthew couldn't help but stare. "Okay, that didn't look safe at all... Don't worry though, Mathias, I'll go and look for something useful to help you in your fight! I just saw a guy pull a gun of out of a place no gun should be, so this should be easy!"

Instead of being incredibly grateful, like Matthew was hoping he'd be, Mathias chose that time to swear very heatedly in Norse. "Goddammit, are you kidding me? Stop worrying about the damn dress and shoot someone!"

Matthew, currently digging around in a barrel of fireworks and completely ignoring everything that Mathias was saying, let out a cheer. "Hey, Mathias, look, I found some money! Since I don't have pockets in this dress, I'm just going to toss it to you, alright?" he shouted brightly, before tossing it with a flick of his wrist to Mathias, who let out a roar of frustration as he shot the last guy in the face, and the coin rolled right past him and into the now faceless guy's dead body.

"Aw, man, you didn't catch it." Matthew complained, ignoring the glare Mathias was fixing him with. "Oh, no, don't pick it up," he said as Mathias made no move to pick it up, "it's all ruined now anyway, all gross and covered in dead people blood. Ew."

Mathias threw his weapon to the floor with a frustrated growl. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I think it's the dress." Matthew said, shrugging. "It's on and then there's, like, a complete personality change, like wow, instead of helping my kind-of dad not die, let's go rummaging through barrels of fireworks for things that shouldn't logically be there and that neither of us have any use for!"

At Mathias' look of disbelief, Mathew sheepishly shrugged. "Sorry."

xxxxx

"M-Mattie?!" America exclaimed in horror, staring at the quickly fading poof of smoke where his brother had been standing seconds before.

"Mathias-?" Sweden asked, with he and the rest of the Nordics in a similar predicament.

Horrified, England whirled around to look at a surprised Norway, quickly demanding, "What did you do?"

Norway blinked. "What makes you think that I did anything?" he asked, and in his still-slightly-drunk ways he decided that now was when he should make his 'grand' escape from the room, and so he was slowly inching towards the meeting room door.

"I heard you say the spell, you twat!"

"Spell? Wait, magic is real?" America asked, shocked.

Netherlands, in all of his built-like-a-fucking-oak-tree terrifying glory, stood up from the table. "Where the hell are they?" he demanded, and Norway was slightly scared. Slightly, which was also how drunk he was, which should tell how close he was to shitting his pants in terror.

"Well," he began, wincing slightly, "I don't know."

Now he was, thankfully, completely aware of the explosion this caused, and was prepared to reach over and cover Emil's ears.

xxxxx

"I miss my cap." Mathias said sourly, sitting on a chair with a rather pathetic look on his face.

Matthew nodded in sympathy. "I miss my shoes; these aren't comfortable at all!" After a short pause, he added, "I miss socks, too."

With a groan, Mathias dropped his head to the harshly wooden table. "Screw your shoes, and your socks. They're not important." he said emphatically.

Matthew gaped. "How is your cap more important than my shoes and socks?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because I was talking about a specific item, and not a thing in general?" he said, before sitting up in his chair. "You know what, I'm actually not sure if there's a worst person that could've been sent here with me than you."

"What?" Matthew asked, properly offended, "That's... That's actually a really jacked up thing to say. Seriously, it's not like I haven't been helping!"

Mathias shot him a look. "You refused to help me kill those cops."

"My point exactly!" Matthew exclaimed, "I was helping you by not helping you!" he then paused, before muttering, "and I didn't want to get blood on my dress."

"That doesn't even make any sense, Matthew!" the taller man snapped, before bringing a hand to his head. "Okay, you know what, that's fine, that's perfectly fine. Let's just... make a plan for our next fight, okay?" With a newly found hope, he pointed dramatically at a reasonably worried Matthew. "But first, we need to get you out of that dress."

The Canadian blinked. "And what do you suggest I wear, clothes from the people you killed?" At Mathias' more-than-slightly-insane grin, Matthew froze. "What? No, I'm not wearing dead people clothes!"

Mathias laughed. "It's either dead people clothes or everyone gets to see whether you're wearing panties with that dress!"

At Matthew's horrified squeak, Mathias cackled.

xxxxx

"Okay, Matthew, do you remember the battle plan?" Mathias asked, adjusting his hold on his newly found shotgun.

Matthew nodded, his cheeks puffed out in concentration. "Yeah. I use this," he waved the pistol a bit for emphasis, "to shoot people in the head. I do not, by any means, for any reason, stop killing people to go and look in barrels and behind pillars and in other illogical places for weapons to be, for anything at all, especially useless things like coins and soda pop." he paused, tilting his head thoughtfully. "I wonder if there'd be any cool things in chocolate boxes?"

"No, Matthew, you are not going to go digging around in random boxes! Where would you even find a chocolate box?" The older demanded, sighing in frustration. "You know what, it's fine, let's just go kill some guys." he declared, cocking his gun, and with his free hand grabbed onto Matthew's wrist. "Remember, kid; you're not wearing a ruin-able dress, so kill as many bastards as you like."

"But I don't like to kill anyone." Matthew said.

"Then kill as many as you can." Mathias said, idly wondering if Matthew would still be this irritating as a girl.

xxxxx

"You know, Mathias," Matthew began, toeing a dead body away from himself with a slight 'ew'. "you really did a good job on killing all of these people. Such a good job, in fact, that I pity whomever has to clean them up."

Mathias shot him a smirk. "You're just saying that to try and make me forget that you're wearing panties, aren't you?"

Matthew blushed. "...maybe I am, and maybe I most definitely am so shut your mouth."

"Why didn't you just take them off with the dress?"

"What, and go commando in a pair of dead people's pants?" the Canadian asked, disgusted. "Ew, hell no. I don't know where these pants have been."

With a shrug, Mathias holstered his shotgun. "I bet that you're just too comfortable in them to take them off."

Matthew glared at him. "I bet that if you keep this up, then I'm not going to give you the next coin I find in a place where there should really, logically, be no coin, but I'm not going to question the coin's existence so it's okay."

Giving him a confused look, Mathias spoke, "That didn't make much sense but alright." and then he paused. "Wait, no, you're not going to look for coins again, you're not wearing that dress anymore so bloodstains aren't a concern."

With a pause, Matthew gave him a guilty look. "Well, you know, I'm just not really liking this outfit right now, since it's, you know, drenched in dead people blood and a slight bit of dead people poo, but significantly less dead people poo than the other dead people pants, so I was thinking that I'd just go ahead and, well, switch back into the dress."

Mathias gave him an even glare. "You're not serious."

With a firm nod, Matthew began to speak, "Yeah, I am. I just feel like I worked better in the dress, you know, and I-"

"We're not going back for it." Mathias said, effectively cutting him off.

Matthew gave him a very devastated look, before stomping his foot and crossing his arms. "Ugh, you're ruining my life!"

"Not this again, goddammit!"

[Preview for chapter 2-

"Matthew, what the hell are you doing? Get over here and help me kill people!" Mathias shouted, feeling quite satisfied as he blew someone else's face off.

Matthew, from his spot by the pillar, frowned. "Yeah, you know, Mathias, I'm just not really into the whole killing thing, and I don't like all the blood getting in my hair, and well-"

"Do you miss the dress so much that you're willing to risk my life for it?!" Denmark found himself shrieking, already knowing exactly what Matthew was doing.

"It's made with such a comfortable fabric and offers me maximum movement, of course I miss it that much! Besides, what do you offer me other than sarcasm and dead people blood? Not much, that's for sure!"

"Goddammit, you little shit-"]


End file.
